It is an honour and a privilege to write to this August journal, even though it is only April. Sadly, my previous online endeavours (The Shed and an even older website than that) have gone the way of Sunny Delight and the Rising Sun so it is indeed rather thrilling to have my name in lights again.

The Satchwell EMP system in my horticultural headquarters has not been at its best recently and The Basement was flooded, with Spam apparently, although such technical jargon can cause confusion of the type experienced when trying trying to purchase a lottery ticket from the hospital. I am pleased to say that there will be a new and improved version of The Basement in the near future, with a higher resolution (no, I do not understand that either) and an improved technical specification.

My regular Sunday evening posts in the days of you’re were peppered with comments from the radio but I am pleased to confirm that such endeavours are not going to happen again. I sold the radio set down the river after a company called Cable and Wireless caused a severe bout of Oxymorosis that almost brought me to my knees.  I was so tempted to purchase a new set of equipment but the man in Currys/Dixons/Whatever they’re called these days asked if I wanted a dongle when I enquired about the details of a new Wireless and I told him, quite rightly,  that my medical history was none of his business.

I became very ill recently when I heard a song on the wireless entitled ‘NABISCO’. Nabisco needs you. Now, I am quite used to advertising on the local commererican channels but this was on Radio Two and their blatant plug for cheap biscuits caused a seizure in my left stomach.

Lomography is a new sport that excited Tracey so much that she was in love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket. Henry blatantly refused to get involved, stating that his excitation capacitors were unsuitable for removing fluids.

The local pub is as dead as ever; the fruit machine mysteriously exploded last week and the toilets also exploded after as Toilet Duck was spotted in the centepede front cubicle.

I hope you enjoyed reading this latest message; I would call it a post but I do not want the postman to get over excited and have an proteolytic reaction.

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